Mark Teich

mark_teich @ 2006-08-22T14:21:00

2006-08-22T21:22:18Z

ZODIAC PARTY THIS THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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The Zodiac Party LLC Announcement AT AVALON HOLLYWOOD
ADVANCED TICKETS AVAILABLE ON WANTICKETS.COM

THIS THURSDAY NIGHT IS THE NIGHT. THE MAGICAL NIGHT THAT IS ZODIAC! COME DOWN AND BE TRULY INSPIRED, TURNED ON, & SATISFIED! 2 SHOWS 9PM & MIDNIGHT

THIS FRIDAY IS THE TY TAYLOR BAND. YOU'RE GONNA GET SO ADDICTED TO US, THAT YOU'RE GONNA COME BACK AND BRING YOUR KIDS!

We highly recommend reserving our front row cabaret tables. THEY ARE GOING FAST! They are very limited and only one reservation per show. Bottle service booths are also available. You may make a reservation by emailing emily@avalonhollywood.com, or by calling 323. 466. 0270
August 24th: Zodiac Show!
CLICK BELOW TO PURCHASE TICKETS TO THE ZODIAC SHOW ON AUGUST 24TH (21 & up)

AUGUST 24TH: ZODIAC PRESENTS MACY GRAY
August 25th: ZODIAC PRESENTS THE TY TAYLOR BAND

The Zodiac Party LLC
email: cherry@thezodiacparty.com

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mark_teich @ 2006-02-02T13:46:00

2006-02-02T21:51:07Z

Ok kids, Teich here.

Just did a Episode of WASTELANDER for Channel 101 and want you guys to see it. If you're living under a rock and dont know about the explosion that is Channel 101 check this out:

http://www.devilducky.com/media/41559/( Andy Samberg talking to Conan about Channel101)

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=zLElfJ9YCh0 (Andy Samberg in "lazy sunday")

Jack Black does it, Drew Carrey did it, Sarah Silverman & Kimmel do it,
NOW TEICH IS HERE!

Most importantly I want you to check out WASTELANDER EP#3
http://channel101.com/shows/view.php?media_id=1427

Also Many More Most Importantly(?) I want you to Join the Forum and Post that you want MORE Mark Teich. Not just in Wastelander. IN ANYTHING AN EVERYTHING.
http://channel101.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4236

dont forget to check out all the other great shows on Channel 101 (I recommend YACHT ROCK EP#1,2,3 - GREGORY SSHITCOCK PI ep# 1,2,3,4 - WASTELANDER ep # 1,2,3)

heres some top downloads
http://www.channel101.com/shows/topdownloads.php

Thanks to my Loyals... and my Unmentionables. Now bite down on this leather cause this is gonna hurt.

READ....READ IT!

2006-02-02T09:47:34Z

Hey f**kers, Teich here.

So i guess many of you have seen my Orbit Gum ad and have been commenting to me how good/gross it is in Emails,MySpace,Etc.

...

I have a favor.

Can you tell me when and where you see it. Orbit is trying to hose me, so i rely on you; my loyal fans... and by that i mean Stephen's fans.

Just do this:

-Post here
-Time & Date you saw the commercial
-What network (ie ESPN, FOX, NBC)

Thanks, suck it.

GET TO KNOW THE REAL TEICH*

2005-12-11T00:38:25Z

1. Teich's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.   2. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Teich instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard but kept his hands tiny.   3. Teich sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled rapier ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Teich stabbed the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.   4. Teich does not sleep. He waits.   5. Teich built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Teich met all three bullets with his tiny hands, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.   6. Teich's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodTeich could Teich if a woodTeich could Teich wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF TEICH!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Teich!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.   7. Teich once stabbed someone so hard that his knife broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.   8. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Teich smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.   9. Teich won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.   10. Teich is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right hands.   11. The chief export of Teich is pain, turkey and cake.   12. Teich is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Teich.   13. Teich doesnt shave; he stabs himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Teich is Teich.   14. Teich lost his virginity before his dad did.   15. If you can see Teich, he can see you. If you can't see Teich you may be only seconds away from death.   16. Teich was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "sarcasm". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Teich omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of stab related deaths.   17. Teich can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "cadbury eggs".   18. Teich once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress, hostess and the kitchen staff.   19. When Teich sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Teich has not had to pay taxes ever.   20. Teich doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.   21. When Teich plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather stabs to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.   22. Teich does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.   23. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Teich.   24. Teich frequently signs up for beginner stage combat, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.   25. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Teich. His reasoning? It was more "humane".   26. Teich once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"   27. Filming on location for LIVE at the El Rey, Teich brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged rubdown. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Teich stabbed the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Teich giveth, and the good Teich, he taketh away.   28. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Teich--more than meets the eye, Teich--robot in disguise," and starred Teich as a dancer who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.   29. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Teich.   30. When Teich has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. *Chuck Norris is much like Teich.

Everyone has a Past

2005-10-10T20:50:20Z

No matter how much you think you love someone or trust someone, know this:
Between you and everyone else on this planet there is a dark, infinite chasm that can never be crossed.

mark_teich @ 2005-10-10T12:31:00

2005-10-10T19:42:05Z

Thanks to Everyone who's been coming out and showing support for the new tour and CD release

The Craig Machine is Partying Through

mark_teich @ 2005-09-30T04:42:00

2005-09-30T11:45:34Z

The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.

-Rumi (1207-1273)

mark_teich @ 2005-09-19T23:59:00

2005-09-20T07:01:52Z

Could you be anymore attractive,admirable, alluring, angelic, appealing, beauteous, bewitching, bright,brilliant,centerfold,colorful, charming, classy, comely, cute, dazzling, delightful, dream, drop-dead, delicate, delightful, divine, elegant enjoyable, exquisite, enticing, excellent, fair, fascinating, fine, flamboyant, glittering, glorious, good, good-looking, grand, gorgeous, graceful, handsome,ideal, impressive, knockout, lavish, lovely, luxuriant, luxurious, magnificent, marvelous, nice, opulent, ostentatious, pleasing, plush, pretty, pulchritudinous, pretentious, resplendent, radiant, ravishing, refined, resplendent, sightly, splendid, statuesque, stunning, superb, symmetrical,splendiferous, sublime, sumptuous, shapely, taking, well-formed, wonderful or beautiful ?

hmmm? well could you?

mark_teich @ 2005-09-08T16:47:00

2005-09-08T23:51:29Z

did you see this on meet the press? aaron broussard, the president of jefferson parish, LA.

http://www.indybay.org/uploads/aaron_broussard.mov

it's criminal....

mark_teich @ 2005-09-07T12:24:00

2005-09-07T19:31:17Z

i wonder if you ever think of me
knowing that you are one of a kind...
so much left undone, so much still unspoken
you left your handprint on the window and
i like it there
if only we met far from here
i will always wonder how it would have been to
have met you when you were alone
to explore your face
in a parallel universe
at a convention on a business trip
in a canyon
at a park
in the malibu hills without a single soul around
on a black sand beach
stuck in a broken elevator...
on an airplane, on a red-eye flight in first class
on a train across the hall from each other in sleeper
cars...
have you found another who asks less of you and leaves
no guilt behind
or are you happy and satisfied
when I close my eyes, I see you living that perfect
life.
and so, for now
i will visit you from time to time in my mind to give
the things that can only be imagined
and hope that you aren't lonely
and that if you are
you will find me again
but i hope, that if there is a next time
your hope has made you free

What is going on?

2005-09-05T23:44:36Z

This was sent to me and I feel it's important that we all read it.

Send help, send support, send love.

-Teich

FROM:
Olbermann, Limbaugh, Sharpton and the GOP Mindset
by mcolley

Thu Sep 1st, 2005 at 18:31:31 PDT

Keith Olbermann just had an extraordinary exchange
between himself and Al Sharpton.

The subject was the conditions in New Orleans,
looting, and the question of where support is.

Olbermann remarked that he had heard Rush Limbaugh
earlier today saying that those that were still in New
Orleans deserved what they had gotten, as they had
chosen to live there. Olbermann went so far as to
call him, "that Limbaugh". Denouncing the inherent
inconsiderate nature of such a statement.

But Sharpton made the point that struck me...

mcolley's diary :: ::
The Right, as embodied by Limbaugh, Frist, Bush,
Hastert, DeLay. They would move heaven and earth to
save the life of one White Woman in Florida to combat
the very idea of euthanasia (which technically it was
not). A woman that a decade earlier had lost her
ability to so much as ask for help, much less have
coherent thoughts about the quality of her own life.

And they would sit on their ass and watch as tens of
thousands of poor men, women, children, babies, and
elderly bake in the New Orleans heat surrounded by
water, sewage, gasoline and an abandoned city, now
devoid of anyone with the means to have escaped ahead
of the storm.

This is the culture of life. The culture of life
wants to save brain dead white women and unborn
children. The culture of life wants you to watch
endless non-news about the disappearance of one white
teenager in Aruba. The culture of life wants you to
support your nation as it kills tens of thousands of
Iraqi civilians in its Quixotic quest against a
non-threat. The culture of life wants a
zero-tolerance for looters policy to sound
authoritative as babies die of dehydration. The
culture of life expects you to take care of yourself,
and if you can't, then it is your own fault for
getting into that situation in the first place. Fuck
off. You had your shot. Station in life, where you
hang your hat, and whether you have the $40 at the end
of the month to pay for the overpriced gasoline to get
out of that home in time is all up to you.

Always I have argued with Republican friends--the
reasonable ones--that not everyone was dealt the same
cards on their original Birth Day. Not everyone has
been given the same gifts by God, friends, family, or
luck. Always those Republican friends believe that
they deserve where they have gotten in life, and that
no one, including the government, should be asking for
their hard-earned cash to help the less affluent. It
is always the fault of the lesser-affluent themselves.
Circumstances are irrelevant in all cases and
constitute class warfare if the question is raised.

Bullshit.

But that's their thing. That's how they see the
world. They earned everything they got. Their
parents might have given them a nudge, but nothing
more. Get a fucking clue.

Bush came away from his mega vacation one day
early...Wednesday. Hastert doesn't know why we should
rebuild. Condie Rice went to the show on Broadway.

All of these people support the Culter of Life. But
none seem to support American Culture. New Orleans,
as much as any city, represents distinctly American
Culture. A melting-pot of language, music and revelry
unlike any other. But it is desperately poor. Over
50% of the children in the state live below the
poverty level. But no matter. Mostly black folk down
there. They shouldn't have lived there in the first
place. They should have gotten out while they had the
chance. It's their own fault.

Michael Chertoff was interviewed on NPR this
afternoon. He was asked if he had heard of thousands
of people at the Convention Center in New Orleans,
without water or food or sanitation. Elderly dying.
Little girls being raped. Mr. Chertoff was eloquent
in his cluelessness. Completely unaware of what had
been on the television all day long on both MSNBC and
CNN. Unaware that he, at the top of the agency
charged with bringing relief to the affected areas,
had not been informed of something every American with
a remote already knew. That the situation there was
desperate. That people needed help. And that noone
seemed to be providing it. The man in charge was not
in charge at all, folks. It took the Bush
Administration 4 years since 9/11... 4 years of
chasing ghosts and old demons in Iraq to not do a
fucking thing about stateside preparedness. To gut
the national guard's responsiveness by sending so many
of them overseas. To cut funding for the levee system
that allowed Lake Ponchartrain to roll into the city.
To put someone in charge of Homeland Security and FEMA
that is eloquent, but so impossibly incompetent that
he is incapable of establishing a staff capable of
letting him know the worst of a situation so large.

Mr. Chertoff said, that he had not heard of such
things. That you couldn't believe every rumor from
the streets of the area. That he wasn't in a position
to argue about what the NPR Reporters had witnessed.

Get the people to our staging areas, he stated, and
they can get water there.

Thanks, asshole.

I almost cried last night. A little girl was with her
grandfather, their late model sedan stalled in hip
deep water. She was standing on what I think was the
highway divider next to the car. Soaked. Crying.
Her grandfather, dismayed and dazed behind her. Both
of them looked at the car, but it was the begging of
the young girl that got me. She couldn't have been
more than 2 years older than my daughter. And there
she was, in the middle of a lake that wasn't there the
day before, in the middle of a city that had been
destroyed, begging and pleading for the people filming
her, and those they were with, to help them. They
just needed a push. To higher ground.

And there she stayed, as the vehicle the camera rode
in pulled away.

-mcolley
I'm not liberal, I'm just paying attention

also listen to the mayor
http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/audio/national/NAGIN_AUDIO.mp3

Hi kids

2005-08-16T20:16:21Z

Hey Buddy,

Glad you came to my little party. I'm hoping to give thoughts of life and love in this blog....blog? Oh, and every time I write an entry I'll be drunk.
Look forward to it, I know i will.

-Teich